Monday, November 2, 2009

I Think I was a Tricycle in a Past Life

I just got invited to go to lunch with my friend and her old boyfriend. I regretfully declined with the response that I didn’t want to be the third wheel.

Now I’m thinking about it. I’m ALWAYS the third wheel. Why would this lunch, dinner, or vacation be any different from every other relationship in my life?

For years Kyky and I vacationed with my best friend, her husband and two kids. I got along better with him anyway so I was sort of a distraction to their bad marriage. I acted as the buffer. I made things more fun for the kids. I stopped the bickering. Of course we would get the typical looks every time someone would ask where we were from. The answer of Utah would always get us a snicker. Nik and I often wanted to don long braided wigs and Gunnie Sax dresses so we could fit the poly stereotype. Instead we bought Otis a Polygamy Porter T-Shirt to wear.

One time we switched it up. It was Mickey’s Pride Days. This time Nik and I got to be the couple and we referred to Otis as donor while we waited in lines filled with same sex couples. He was very uncomfortable and retired to the House of Blues for the majority of the weekend.

Nik and Otis’s marriage finally came to an end. The years of vacationing as polygamists ended. Nik has since remarried and we have only gone on one weekend vacation with her new hubby. Don’t see that happening again. Otis became my boyfriend. Vacationing with him and the kids as the solo girl was not nearly as fun. I am a much better third wheel than girlfriend.

Even in High School I was the token third wheel. All my close friends had boyfriends. Not me. I never wanted the serious boyfriend. Instead, I would usually end up being the extra safeguard that parents liked being on their kids’ dates. In Utah extra wheels are encouraged. Group dates are the thing to do. The other extra wheels and I never felt out of place. Little did we realize we were the church’s way of implementing birth control.

After I had Kyky, I brought the third wheel. We took her everywhere. Ky gave us reason to go to the zoo and to Disney movies. No one cared that we had to have a high chair or go to early movies. They all took turns holding her or pushing the stroller.

Nowadays I hang out with my best friend Kel and her hubby JD. They nicely invite me to their private dinner dates. Time they get together is precious because of their work schedules but they never let me feel like I’m intruding, though I know I am. They include me so much they joke that I’m in their wills; whoever dies first has to leave the other complete custody of me. They even told their kids they had to move out of the basement so I could move in. That is true friendship!

Last night my friend Les and her hubby had me over for drinks and dinner. After a very long day at work I arrived to a waiting martini and the aroma of a homemade dinner was filling the house. Todd cooked and kept the glasses filled while we chatted and giggled.

I wonder if Kyky and Stretch will let me continue my tradition. They say that as soon as they can afford it, they will build a house with a mother-in-law apartment. I think it’s just because they want a cook and a dog sitter.

Maybe it will be time for me to try a two-wheeler. I’ve never been really good at two person relationships though. I guess I have a balancing problem. I have a hard time choosing where to focus my time and energy. Work? Home? Kid? Family? Partner? It always seems the partner gets put last on my list of priorities. Then again it is probably just as much a commitment problem. Like a kid trying to get rid of the training wheels – I can’t quite give up my freedom or admit I might actually want to be dependant on someone else.

I’m thinking I’m going to have to give it a try. I don’t want to be a newlywed tricycle. Awkward! No way in hell can I manage as a unicycle. I would end up a hermit on Prozac without friends and companionship of some sort. And we all know that my other room mate – the GOB – doesn’t offer much in the way of companionship. Maybe now that Ky is older and moving out on her own I’ll break my rules and have guys over to my house. Actually let them think I want them to be a part of my life. Silly how that might make a difference in giving a relationship a go!

Of course, anyone that wants a third wheel, give me a call! I make for a good threesome.


  1. I'm always the 3rd wheel!

  2. If you're a third wheel, I'm definitely a unicycle. In a country where you live alone and don't speak the language, it gets easier. You might like it!

    And no, I don't have companionship. That part kinda blows, I admit.