Skinny Bitches

Kyky finally decided to try on wedding dresses! I'm so excited. I've been waiting anxiously for her to decide it was time. Today is the day and just the two of us are escaping to a Vera Wang trunk show. How much more wedding can you get than Vera Wang!?


Alta Mode is an adorable little boutique in downtown Salt Lake. The kind where you walk in and are personally greeted, offered flavored water and a cookie. Plush couches flank three way mirrors. Carpeted boxes act as little pedestals for the brides to spin and primp on while their adoring fans give the thumbs up or down. The cute little bridal consultant sat down with us to take down Kyky's information: Wedding date, location, dress preferences, size.

Kyky has never been one for glitz and glam. Her prom dresses were always beautiful, but in a simple and elegant style. I expected the wedding gown to fall into the same category. As soon as she walked in she saw a Vera dress adorning a mod mannequin. Strapless, subtle but with glamorous beading adorning the empire waistband that lead to the flowing silk chiffon skirt. She was hooked.

Then the look . . . the one where the cute little bridal consultant's face changed. She tried to sugar coat it but all she could say was that the dresses came straight from the NY fashion show. You know, where the models that walk them down the runway are all size 00. Kyky is 5'12". Yes, six feet but she won't actually admit to that height. She is curvy, with the hourglass figure and ginormous boobs. Greek Goddess like, not Twiggy-ish.

She lets us know that so far today, only one bride has almost fit into the dresses. But she pulls dresses anyway.

Kyky is a good sport. She is trying on anything and everything that the consultant recommends. Well, everything but a ball gown style. No POOF allowed!

Dresses have to anchored on with Home Depot industrial style clips with bungee cords to keep them closed because they can't possibly zip. The consultant is pulling and holding and trying to explain that when it is ordered in the right size everything will lay just right and it won't be dangling five inches from the ground.

A flood wedding gown, corset and muffin top hanging out and bosoms overflowing. Really? This is not how dress shopping is supposed to go. No matter how much cute little consultant assures us that tulle and bling vomit can be changed. How are you supposed to spend $3500 on a dress that looks like it might possibly fit an anorexic 12 year old!?

This is not reality. Brides should be voluptuous. Curvy. Sexy. Not flat and walking skeletons!

Rather depressing. Mama should have been served sparkling wine, not sparking water. KyKy needed a shot of Tequila!

No worries. We went to lunch and bitched about skinny runway wedding dress model bitches. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than bashing others!

Next week - Davids Bridal where they carry normal girl sizes, like a 10!